ObamaCare: A Fairy Tale – or How the Gay Community Lost Its Magic Power

Big Government by Charles Winecoff
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away – called New York City – there was a special place where fairies could go when they weren’t feeling well.  It was known as the Gay Men’s Health Project.  The friendly bears and slender youths who ran this magical dispensary helped unlucky fairies mend their wings and wee-wees so they could get back to working through their issues and flit off to the nearest after-hours disco, bath house, abandoned truck or dilapidated pier.

Because they knew the empire wasn’t going to do it for them, the handsome lords and lads of Greenwich Village worked in unison to take care of their own kind.  An invisible tribe that blended easily into the population at large, they understood that the heterosexist king’s medicine men were not attuned to their unique needs; they did not want uncaring jesters from the court making choices about their bodies.  So the fairies raised their voices as loud as they could to make sure they had access to like-minded, sympathetic healers who would not make them feel ashamed of their behavior (and would get them back on the dance floor ASAP).

Then, in the year of eight tens and two, the fairies began to wither by the thousands and fall from the sky.  No one knew why.  So those who were still of able body came together again to build a new safe haven specifically for their sick brothers: a non-profit service organization called the Gay Men’s Health Crisis.  Thanks to the actions and determination of these bold heroes, GMHC succeeded in providing legal aid, counseling, and even some housing to 15,000 fellows affected by HIV and AIDS.

But the elders, led by the prophet Larry Kramer, soon became weary of doing all the work themselves. They wanted support from the royal court.  So they amassed an army specifically to agitate and create awareness of  the needs of their ailing brethren.  They called their legion of troops ACT UP, and their motto was SILENCE = DEATH.


The warrior fairies did not trust the king and queen, who hailed from a make-believe place called Hollywood.  Even though there were many fairies in Hollywood, the elders imagined that the king, whose name was marked by a malevolent ”R,” would round up their infected friends and lock them in concentration camps.  The fairies only trusted royals whose names boasted a benevolent ”D.”

So fearing the worst, they paid no heed to the warnings of their own shamans.  Instead, they fought to protect their underground turf from the imaginary menace of the “R” invaders by keeping their fairy-only, non-reproductive recreation centers open.  Thousands more fairies fell from the sky.

Time passed.  Powerful potions were eventually conjured up to keep infected fairies healthy and alive.  Kings began to grant them audiences, and the peasantry as a whole became more accepting of their existence, and appreciative of their hard history.  The fairies were celebrated and honored for the injustices they endured.  The peasantry took extra care to be more tolerant of fairy feelings.

But the fairies couldn’t reciprocate.  They didn’t know how to trust or to let down their guard.  They had become addicted to attention, self-pity, and anger.

When the two mighty towers were destroyed by flying far-right religious trolls, who had a blood-soaked and homophobic history, the new king took fierce action to prevent any further attacks.  But because this king also sported an “R’ after his name (and wore a cowboy hat), the fairies felt it was against their religion (D-ism) to support his efforts.

Instead, they mocked him, accused him of plotting a sinister master plan, and prayed for his assassination.  They stood in solidarity with anyone who railed against the “R”-lettered king.   And they remained willfully ignorant of the plight of their less fortunate fellow fairies in far-away lands, who were still being brutalized by evil trolls.  They were no longer capable of recognizing an enemy.

Domestic fairies enjoyed many fetishes, but none was so great as their fetish for the letter “D.”  They became isolated from the rest of their countrymen within their own affluent domain, commonly referred to as “the gay ghetto.”  They became obsessed with how they were portrayed in minstrel shows, and they presented golden statuettes to any princess who extolled their virtues in the Land of Make Believe.  They became lazy and self-satisfied, but annoyed that some people still lived by ancient beliefs and rules that did not include them.  They demanded that all beliefs and customs that did not take them into consideration be “reformed” (whether or not they really wanted anything to do with those beliefs).

Finally, in the year twenty and nine, a Savior arrived who was similar to the trolls in color and name, but who wore a holy letter “D.”  He promised to be the fairies’ best friend.  He promised to ban the law of the land that prevented them from joining in blessed unions like the rest of the peasantry.  He also vowed to allow the fairies to serve, in all their proud flamboyance, in His armed forces.

But the King’s seductive words proved meaningless.  He was more concerned with soothing the savage trolls with His charm - to what end, no one was sure – while dreaming up ways to siphon the peasants’ money.

To that end, the King passed a grand law that, He declared, would improve the physical and financial health of every single person under the crown, including the fairies.  But the peasant majority was suspicious of the King’s intent, and challenged Him, loudly and publicly.  This made the King frown, and totally threw Him off his game.

The King wasn’t interested in what the peasants wanted.  He believed He was the smartest man in the world.  So He just scowled, and lectured, and got His way.  His royal henchmen laughed in the faces of the good, hard-working peasants.

The fairies, who were once the most boisterous rebels in all the land, didn’t rush to the peasants’ defense.  They made not even a peep.  Transfixed by the King’s big “D,” their fairy spirit had been paralyzed.  Polarized by pride (and prejudice), they were no longer able to question authority - and certainly not the motives of their smiling Messiah.

It didn’t matter that many of the witch doctors who had long toiled to eradicate AIDS doubted that the King’s costly law would actually be beneficial to ailing fairies, leaving them instead with fewer, less potent spells.
It didn’t matter that nowhere in the final law passed by the all the King’s men were the fairies’ needs – medical or legal - even mentioned.  Those crucial words had vanished, quietly replaced by a pricey call for abstinence, something the fairies had long shunned.

It didn’t matter that a provision giving the loving partners of fairies the same tax exclusion as peasant spouses on the value of employer-provided health benefits was also removed.  It didn’t matter that the King’s law (which He called “my bill”) made it more advantageous for fairies to remain unmarried.
It didn’t matter that a prosperous mouthpiece for the fairies openly announced his disappointment in the decree, or that a spokesperson for the King declined to comment.

It didn’t matter that one of the King’s henchmen declared that, more important than healing fairies’ bodies, the new law would fix the “mal-distribution” of wealth among the peasantry.  Nor did it matter that another apple-polisher let it slip that the underlying goal was “to control the people.”

And it didn’t matter that the UN, which was teeming with fairy-hating trolls, hailed the King’s bill as a demigodsend.

The only thing that mattered to the fairies was that their King had a “D” after his name. In their hard-won comfort, they had forgotten how to fight.  They waved away any inconvenient reality that didn’t glorify the mythical icon.  Their own tough, triumphant past no longer moved them.  A pampered new generation of fairies mistook ”equality” for “freedom,” and had no knowledge  of the fickle nature of politics or safety.  They believed Lady Gaga was forever.

SILENCE now equalled COMPLICITY.

And so they marched in unison again.  Only this time, it wasn’t a movement born of urgency, compassion, or even thought. It was the catatonic death march of the true believer.  The fairies had turned into the fanatics they once abhorred.  And that is how they gave up their magic power and lost their ability to soar.
Yes, Virginia, there is an end to this story.  We just don’t know exactly what it is yet.

Me real beauties: Cap’n Jack bans false breasts

Times Online IF the predatory molls and purse-snatching lassies in the next Pirates of the Caribbean blockbuster seem a little deflated compared with their swashbuckling predecessors, blame it on Walt Disney’s new ban on actresses with artificial enhancements.

Under Rob Marshall, the director of the fourth chapter of the family films, only the naturally endowed will stand a chance of crossing swords with Johnny Depp.

In a request to casting directors circulated around Los Angeles last week, the film-makers say they are seeking “beautiful female fit models. Must be 5ft 7in-5ft 8in, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.”

The film-makers warn that there will be a “show and tell” day with costume designers where potential actresses will be expected to run — a venerable Hollywood test to detect false breasts, which move less freely than the real thing during action sequences.

The actresses, who must also be able to dive and swim, are needed for scenes to be shot in Hawaii this summer. The film, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, is due to be released in May 2011.

Depp will return as Captain Jack Sparrow in what Disney hopes will be the start of a new trilogy. Ian McShane, the British actor, has been cast as Blackbeard and Penelope Cruz will replace Keira Knightley as the love interest.

Knightley, 24, who was 18 when she shot the first Pirates movie, did not have to face the indignity of an enhancement test. “I am not that well endowed so they literally painted in my cleavage,” she said.

“It took about 45 minutes every day for make-up artists to add shade and volume and it looked fantastic until it got too hot shooting. Then the make-up would start smearing and the lines running away.”

She tried alternatives such as a bodice which shrunk her waist to 18 inches. It gave her a tremendous cleavage by squeezing her breasts “up and out” but also left her with only enough oxygen to breathe for 10 minutes: “After that I started passing out.”

However, publicity posters for the film King Arthur, in which Knightley played Guinevere, were digitally enhanced to give her bigger breasts.

Sources said this was the first time such an edict had been passed on a Pirates film: “In the last movie there were enhanced breasts to give that 18th-century whoreish look and men were pretty well padded, too, and no one worried,” said a former casting agent. “But times are changing and the audience can spot false breasts.”

Cruz, the Spanish Oscar winner, is said not to know about the casting decisions. But she said that acting in Nine had exposed her “to some wonderfully beautiful women of all shapes, styles and sizes”.

If Marshall and Disney are frowning on plastic surgery “cheats”, they may reflect a change in public attitudes. A Disney spokesman said: "We never comment on casting rumours." Earlier this month the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (Asaps) announced that while breast augmentations remained the most popular procedure in America, the number of operations had dropped from 365,000 to 312,000 — and is expected to decline again this year. “Not only are numbers down, which can be partially explained by the recession, but women are asking for smaller enlargements,” said Renato Saltz, the president of Asaps and a Utah plastic surgeon.

“Women used to want the most bang for their buck, but now I see many opting instead for a C-cup over a traditional double-D because they want something more subtle, not something that stops a room talking.”

The former casting agent said: “Directors such as Martin Scorsese already avoid employing actresses using Botox or with collagen inflated lips. They know what they want, which is to avoid vulgar distractions. In Hollywood movies, where everything else is false, nothing is more valued than natural beauty.”

Infant Laid to Rest 2 Years After His Murder

LASVEGASNOW.COM -- An infant was laid to rest Friday nearly two years after the baby boy was found in a restroom trash can at a Las Vegas Strip resort.

Even though the infant was never identified, members of the community still wanted to make sure the baby was given a proper burial.


No one who attended the somber service at Bunker's Woodlawn Memorial Park ever knew the infant. He has only been known as Baby Boy Excalibur. But they say the tragic circumstances surrounding his short life is something they'll never forget.

The small gravesite gathering consisted only of a few Woodlawn employees. They came to pay their respects to the infant whose real name remains a mystery to homicide detectives still working this case.

"Certainly with a child, no one wants to see this. But it's even more difficult and painful when it involves an infant," said James Millikin with Bunker's Woodlawn.

It was Mother's Day in May of 2008 when an Excalibur housekeeper discovered the infant's lifeless body wrapped in a hotel gift bag and pillowcase. He was stuffed inside a trash can near a bathroom inside the hotel.
Nearly two years after the child's death, authorities decided it was time that the infant received a proper burial.

Bunker's arranged for a quiet service while a Las Vegas florist Dibella's donated a beautiful flower arrangement to mark the grave until a permanent plaque can be made.

"The thought of the baby being born and forgotten and no one knowing who he is, I think that's the worst part for me. It's not knowing who this child was," said Betty Box.

And so it is in the Children's Memorial Garden at Bunker's that the baby infant was laid to rest near a memorial stone that reads, You are not Forgotten.

When that permanent grave marker is made, it will simply read, Baby Boy Excalibur, at least until investigators can determine what his real name was.

Anybody Know Any Juicy Celebrity Gossip Today?

By Shawne M. Patrick

Who doesn't like a bit of juicy gossip now and again? Honestly, both guys and girls read celebrity gossip columns - though men are likely to deny it than girls. After all , that is not truly a bloke thing, is it? Let's be fair, there is some truth to gossip when it comes to celebrities, and many times the gossip is 100% true. Stars naturally don't always like the gossip, but it is just part of being a celebrity, and most understand this.

If you live in Hollywood, you're certain to be more exposed to gossip than any other part of the country. Since many stars work and live in Hollywood, it makes sense to be the capital of celebrity gossip. Everywhere from coffee bars to restaurants, you'll hear folk gossiping about celebrities, but it is's all in fun. It makes day-to-day life more exciting when you find out whom your favorite pop music celebrity might be dating this week! Everyone likes to know intimates of their favorite celebrity ; it just makes them easier to relate to - more human.

Even if you don't live in Hollywood, you can still find the newest gossip on television, online, or by going to your fave supermarket. How many read the celebrity gossip headlines while waiting in a checkout line? It seems to be fixed in people to discover the newest gossip about stars. Of course, many celebrities give folk lots to talk and write about, so their names are always in all the gossip mags.

Still other celebrities can't seem to stay out of difficulty. From DUI arrests to sex scandals, this stuff just makes for good gossip stories that intrigue the general public and keep them reading.

Why do people like gossip? Mostly as it mitigates stress - gossiping about anybody for that moment makes his or her own issues appear less overwhelming. Why do people love knowing the newest celebrity gossip? Most people put celebrities on pedestals, and a bit of personal gossip makes them appear more lifelike. Gossiping about stars is certainly nothing new. The difference is that today, folks just have more access to it with the dawn of the web and mobile devices.

About the Author:

Gossip about celebrities doesn't hurt the star's career or reputation. In truth, many times it helps them because it keeps his or her name under the spotlights. So today, pick up your favourite gossip mag or check your fave site online for the most recent and best celebrity sex scandal and gossip!